riptide_asylum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
riptide_asylum) wrote2009-01-19 11:19 am
riptide_asylum) wrote2009-01-19 11:19 am
Entry tags:
"Fighting For It" (Out of the Dark, 1986)
Title: Fighting For It
Rating: PG
Summary: Nick's got a hard decision to make. All Cody can do is wait...
Cody sat up and swung his feet onto the floor. He dropped his hands to his knees, gripping hard, and lowered his head, thinking of the last few days in San Francisco. The days he'd spent with Janet. The night he'd spent with Janet. Seeing her again had knocked him for a loop, and he'd hardly thought about what he was doing, not until she'd offered to move to King Harbor.
She'd said those words and he'd pictured his home, and that had been his wake-up call. The thought of Janet on the Riptide had made him sick to his stomach. Home was Nick. Cody shivered in the pre-dawn chill. He hoped to God he hadn't realized that too late.
He'd tried to apologize to Nick, tried to explain what Nick meant to him. That was an hour ago, and Nick hadn't answered him, instead had gone out for some air. He hadn't come back.
The Riptide shifted gently in her moorings and Cody tensed, holding his breath, straining to hear. The groan of a fender against the pier gave him an instant's hope until he identified the sound and he dropped back on his bunk, despair rising in his chest. 'What if he doesn't come back?'
"I've fucked this up so bad," Cody said out loud. The tears he'd been fighting ever since Nick left the room welled up again, and this time he couldn't hold them inside.
"I'm glad you think so, man." Nick stepped through the doorway of the stateroom and stopped just inside, leaning back against the doorjamb. In the dim light he was barely more than a shapeless shadow.
Cody sat bolt upright, scrubbing at the tears on his cheeks. A wave of relief and fear flooded through him. "Nick! Nick, I - " He stopped suddenly, aware of what he'd been so close to saying. 'I thought you weren't coming back.'
Nick moved further into the room and sat down on his bunk. "Cody..." He hesitated, lifting a hand towards his partner and then dropping it in his lap, as if changing his mind.
"I'm sorry, Nick. I'm sorry." Cody's voice broke.
"Yeah, you said that." Nick sighed. "And I believe you, Cody, I really do. Thing is, sorry still hurts, d'you understand? Sorry hurts more than I know how to think about."
Cody felt like he'd been dunked in ice water. He swung his feet to the floor with a leaden thump. "Nick..." His throat closed and he swallowed hard, beyond tears now. "Nick, please. I can't bear to lose you." His chest tightened and he took a short, shallow breath, fighting panic.
He watched blankly as Nick got up and sat down next to him. Nick's hand closed over his, and Cody started to shake.
"Take it easy, Cody," Nick said, and Cody whimpered as his friend's strong arm encircled him. "Take it easy, man. It's okay."
Cody felt Nick's arm tighten around him. "Is it?" he asked, hearing his own voice shaking. "Is it, Nick?"
"Oh, Cody," Nick said softly. "Cody, I can't stop loving you, man. Even when you make me want to, you know?"
"Jesus, Nick - "
"Hush, Cody. You listen to me, okay? In San Francisco, I stepped aside for Janet, because I thought that's what you wanted. I made my peace with losing you. I got no words for what that felt like, you understand that?" Nick met Cody's eyes. "You say it's me you want. Cody, you be sure about that, man, because if we're doing this, if we're together, you gotta know I'm not standing aside again. Next time I'll fight for you."
"Yes, Nick." Cody reached for his partner, hope rising in his chest. "I love you."
Nick caught the arm Cody would have put around him. "Cody, those words are too easy, man. It's not enough this time, you know? Not on its own."
"What do you mean?" Fear widened Cody's eyes and he drew back. "Nick..."
"Cody, what I mean is, I can't watch you walk away from me again next year, when the newest candidate for Mrs Cody Allen waltzes into your life. If that's all this is, forget how much you think you love me. Forget it, because I can't do this anymore."
Cody took a deep breath. "Is that what you want me to say, Nick?" he asked unevenly. He gripped the side of the mattress hard, waiting for the answer.
"No." Nick sighed softly. "Cody, I want to be with you. But if you don't want that, you gotta tell me, man. I can't watch you leave me again."
Cody's tears overflowed again, running freely down his cheeks. "Nick, I do. I want us to be forever, I swear I do. You gotta believe me, buddy."
Nick looked at him steadily, eyes searching Cody's face, and Cody fought the tears, trying to hold his partner's gaze. Finally, Nick seemed to find what he'd sought, and pulled Cody close, both arms around him this time. "You really do?" he asked seriously. "You're sure, Cody? Because I'm gonna hold you to it, buddy. I'm gonna fight for us."
"I'm sure," Cody said, struggling to keep his voice steady. He leaned into Nick, feeling the rhythm of his partner's breathing slow. He slid his own arms around Nick and whispered, very low, "I'll fight for us, too."
Rating: PG
Summary: Nick's got a hard decision to make. All Cody can do is wait...
Cody sat up and swung his feet onto the floor. He dropped his hands to his knees, gripping hard, and lowered his head, thinking of the last few days in San Francisco. The days he'd spent with Janet. The night he'd spent with Janet. Seeing her again had knocked him for a loop, and he'd hardly thought about what he was doing, not until she'd offered to move to King Harbor.
She'd said those words and he'd pictured his home, and that had been his wake-up call. The thought of Janet on the Riptide had made him sick to his stomach. Home was Nick. Cody shivered in the pre-dawn chill. He hoped to God he hadn't realized that too late.
He'd tried to apologize to Nick, tried to explain what Nick meant to him. That was an hour ago, and Nick hadn't answered him, instead had gone out for some air. He hadn't come back.
The Riptide shifted gently in her moorings and Cody tensed, holding his breath, straining to hear. The groan of a fender against the pier gave him an instant's hope until he identified the sound and he dropped back on his bunk, despair rising in his chest. 'What if he doesn't come back?'
"I've fucked this up so bad," Cody said out loud. The tears he'd been fighting ever since Nick left the room welled up again, and this time he couldn't hold them inside.
"I'm glad you think so, man." Nick stepped through the doorway of the stateroom and stopped just inside, leaning back against the doorjamb. In the dim light he was barely more than a shapeless shadow.
Cody sat bolt upright, scrubbing at the tears on his cheeks. A wave of relief and fear flooded through him. "Nick! Nick, I - " He stopped suddenly, aware of what he'd been so close to saying. 'I thought you weren't coming back.'
Nick moved further into the room and sat down on his bunk. "Cody..." He hesitated, lifting a hand towards his partner and then dropping it in his lap, as if changing his mind.
"I'm sorry, Nick. I'm sorry." Cody's voice broke.
"Yeah, you said that." Nick sighed. "And I believe you, Cody, I really do. Thing is, sorry still hurts, d'you understand? Sorry hurts more than I know how to think about."
Cody felt like he'd been dunked in ice water. He swung his feet to the floor with a leaden thump. "Nick..." His throat closed and he swallowed hard, beyond tears now. "Nick, please. I can't bear to lose you." His chest tightened and he took a short, shallow breath, fighting panic.
He watched blankly as Nick got up and sat down next to him. Nick's hand closed over his, and Cody started to shake.
"Take it easy, Cody," Nick said, and Cody whimpered as his friend's strong arm encircled him. "Take it easy, man. It's okay."
Cody felt Nick's arm tighten around him. "Is it?" he asked, hearing his own voice shaking. "Is it, Nick?"
"Oh, Cody," Nick said softly. "Cody, I can't stop loving you, man. Even when you make me want to, you know?"
"Jesus, Nick - "
"Hush, Cody. You listen to me, okay? In San Francisco, I stepped aside for Janet, because I thought that's what you wanted. I made my peace with losing you. I got no words for what that felt like, you understand that?" Nick met Cody's eyes. "You say it's me you want. Cody, you be sure about that, man, because if we're doing this, if we're together, you gotta know I'm not standing aside again. Next time I'll fight for you."
"Yes, Nick." Cody reached for his partner, hope rising in his chest. "I love you."
Nick caught the arm Cody would have put around him. "Cody, those words are too easy, man. It's not enough this time, you know? Not on its own."
"What do you mean?" Fear widened Cody's eyes and he drew back. "Nick..."
"Cody, what I mean is, I can't watch you walk away from me again next year, when the newest candidate for Mrs Cody Allen waltzes into your life. If that's all this is, forget how much you think you love me. Forget it, because I can't do this anymore."
Cody took a deep breath. "Is that what you want me to say, Nick?" he asked unevenly. He gripped the side of the mattress hard, waiting for the answer.
"No." Nick sighed softly. "Cody, I want to be with you. But if you don't want that, you gotta tell me, man. I can't watch you leave me again."
Cody's tears overflowed again, running freely down his cheeks. "Nick, I do. I want us to be forever, I swear I do. You gotta believe me, buddy."
Nick looked at him steadily, eyes searching Cody's face, and Cody fought the tears, trying to hold his partner's gaze. Finally, Nick seemed to find what he'd sought, and pulled Cody close, both arms around him this time. "You really do?" he asked seriously. "You're sure, Cody? Because I'm gonna hold you to it, buddy. I'm gonna fight for us."
"I'm sure," Cody said, struggling to keep his voice steady. He leaned into Nick, feeling the rhythm of his partner's breathing slow. He slid his own arms around Nick and whispered, very low, "I'll fight for us, too."