riptide_asylum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
riptide_asylum) wrote2009-02-02 10:50 pm
riptide_asylum) wrote2009-02-02 10:50 pm
Entry tags:
"Hard to Imagine" (Out of the Dark, 2005)
Title: Hard to Imagine
Rating: PG
Summary: Nick's questions are gentle but he's curious. What did Cody think happened the night of Cody's heart attack?
In the dream, Cody was alone.
He woke up in the middle of the jungle, no gun, no belt, no boots.
No Nick.
He woke up scared and alone, and the jungle in the dream was so much worse than the jungle he remembered. Things festered in this jungle. Things that writhed and spat and laughed. Something in the jungle was laughing at him, and Nick wasn't there to make it stop. Suddenly the laughter did stop, along with every other noise that wasn't his own panicked breathing, and Cody knew no one would come; he was all alone. Nick was gone.
"Jesus no..." Cody sat up wide-eyed and crying, fighting, and only later, when the nasty bruise on Nick's chest began to show, did Cody realize he'd swung on his partner. Who was there in the night after all, holding him close, whispering his name, arms tight around him, rocking him. Loving him.
Cody reached out and held on. "Please, hurry. Please, please."
Nick's eyes were the only place he'd ever found truth, his arms the only place he felt safe. He shivered, and looking up, asked Nick a silent question. Nick answered with a kiss, tightening his arms, bringing the two of them closer, into a place for them alone, the only place Cody ever wanted to wake up in. He pulled Nick closer, asking and receiving. He dimly noticed lights bright and flashing against the cabin wall, a siren in the distance and Cody wondered why his fear didn't dissipate, why it hung around like a foul smell. Cody tightened his grip, relief flooding through him as Nick did the same.
---
The next morning, Nick asked him, softly, the two of them in the kitchen alone while Cody made Nick's eggs.
Cody shook so hard that Nick confiscated pan and spatula, moving them off the heat, breakfast forgotten. He wrapped Cody in his arms and kissed whatever was reachable, shushing, comforting, even as Murray came into the galley, looking for his cornflakes.
He felt so tired. So tired.
"I feel like an old man," he told Nick, and even as he said the words, he wondered why they felt so true, why his hands suddenly looked gnarled and wrinkled against the vivid blue of Nick's shirt. Nick murmured in his ear, wide chest and a shoulder to lay on, to rest against. A wave of fear overcame Cody and he cried out, shaking with this unknown fear, even as Nick's voice wove a safety net around him, that voice that held the jungle at bay, quieting the laughter.
As Cody watched, the Riptide's galley began, improbably, to break apart, to shatter, and it took everything he had to hang on to Nick, to grip hard those muscles in his shoulders, the ones Cody called home. He cried out as they were ripped from his grasp and--
Fight for me, baby.
"Nick, I'm telling you, I don't remember anything about the heart attack." Cody snuggled closer, arms tight around Nick's broad chest. He sighed. "We went to dinner at the Rusty Scupper, you drove back, we made it to our room...I woke up in the hospital." Cody twitched a shoulder, a request made in their language for Nick to rub his back;a request that hadn't gone unanswered in more than three decades.
Cody relaxed. "Buddy, I'm not sure I want to remember anything else."
Nick murmured something in his ear, just under the range of hearing. Cody burrowed closer still, and Nick pulled the covers up around him, tucking them in.
Cody felt tired, but safe. The only safe he could remember ever wanting. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes to find Nick staring at him, blue eyes no less intense, no less communicative than they'd been the first time it happened, thirty years and half a world away. Cody felt his weakened heart leap.
He pressed his lips to Nick's, trying to explain. Nick's kiss was its own response; it was absolution. Nick's hands moved smooth and rhythmic on his back, and Cody smiled into his neck. "All I know is that the next time I woke up,the first thing I saw was you, Nick. And that was all I needed."
Nick answered with a look, and Cody nuzzled Nick's nose with his own, all thoughts of jungles and danger lost in the simple truth of this enduring love.
Rating: PG
Summary: Nick's questions are gentle but he's curious. What did Cody think happened the night of Cody's heart attack?
In the dream, Cody was alone.
He woke up in the middle of the jungle, no gun, no belt, no boots.
No Nick.
He woke up scared and alone, and the jungle in the dream was so much worse than the jungle he remembered. Things festered in this jungle. Things that writhed and spat and laughed. Something in the jungle was laughing at him, and Nick wasn't there to make it stop. Suddenly the laughter did stop, along with every other noise that wasn't his own panicked breathing, and Cody knew no one would come; he was all alone. Nick was gone.
"Jesus no..." Cody sat up wide-eyed and crying, fighting, and only later, when the nasty bruise on Nick's chest began to show, did Cody realize he'd swung on his partner. Who was there in the night after all, holding him close, whispering his name, arms tight around him, rocking him. Loving him.
Cody reached out and held on. "Please, hurry. Please, please."
Nick's eyes were the only place he'd ever found truth, his arms the only place he felt safe. He shivered, and looking up, asked Nick a silent question. Nick answered with a kiss, tightening his arms, bringing the two of them closer, into a place for them alone, the only place Cody ever wanted to wake up in. He pulled Nick closer, asking and receiving. He dimly noticed lights bright and flashing against the cabin wall, a siren in the distance and Cody wondered why his fear didn't dissipate, why it hung around like a foul smell. Cody tightened his grip, relief flooding through him as Nick did the same.
---
The next morning, Nick asked him, softly, the two of them in the kitchen alone while Cody made Nick's eggs.
Cody shook so hard that Nick confiscated pan and spatula, moving them off the heat, breakfast forgotten. He wrapped Cody in his arms and kissed whatever was reachable, shushing, comforting, even as Murray came into the galley, looking for his cornflakes.
He felt so tired. So tired.
"I feel like an old man," he told Nick, and even as he said the words, he wondered why they felt so true, why his hands suddenly looked gnarled and wrinkled against the vivid blue of Nick's shirt. Nick murmured in his ear, wide chest and a shoulder to lay on, to rest against. A wave of fear overcame Cody and he cried out, shaking with this unknown fear, even as Nick's voice wove a safety net around him, that voice that held the jungle at bay, quieting the laughter.
As Cody watched, the Riptide's galley began, improbably, to break apart, to shatter, and it took everything he had to hang on to Nick, to grip hard those muscles in his shoulders, the ones Cody called home. He cried out as they were ripped from his grasp and--
Fight for me, baby.
"Nick, I'm telling you, I don't remember anything about the heart attack." Cody snuggled closer, arms tight around Nick's broad chest. He sighed. "We went to dinner at the Rusty Scupper, you drove back, we made it to our room...I woke up in the hospital." Cody twitched a shoulder, a request made in their language for Nick to rub his back;a request that hadn't gone unanswered in more than three decades.
Cody relaxed. "Buddy, I'm not sure I want to remember anything else."
Nick murmured something in his ear, just under the range of hearing. Cody burrowed closer still, and Nick pulled the covers up around him, tucking them in.
Cody felt tired, but safe. The only safe he could remember ever wanting. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes to find Nick staring at him, blue eyes no less intense, no less communicative than they'd been the first time it happened, thirty years and half a world away. Cody felt his weakened heart leap.
He pressed his lips to Nick's, trying to explain. Nick's kiss was its own response; it was absolution. Nick's hands moved smooth and rhythmic on his back, and Cody smiled into his neck. "All I know is that the next time I woke up,the first thing I saw was you, Nick. And that was all I needed."
Nick answered with a look, and Cody nuzzled Nick's nose with his own, all thoughts of jungles and danger lost in the simple truth of this enduring love.