riptide_asylum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
riptide_asylum) wrote2010-05-08 08:44 pm
riptide_asylum) wrote2010-05-08 08:44 pm
Entry tags:
"The Day The World Went Away" (Deep Water, 1974)
Title: The Day The World Went Away
Rating: R
Summary: Leaving war behind was supposed to be something to celebrate...
The Day The World Went Away
They'd been jubilant on the transport, and drunk the first week home. But as war fell away, freedom overwhelmed them.
They'd gone to the jungle as children and come home soldiers, and the world expected them to be men. Cody knew how to fight and he knew how to cry, but he didn't know how to walk down the street unafraid. He didn't know how to make it through the dark alone.
All he knew was that he had to. Somehow.
In Southeast Asia, Nick had been his partner. His comrade in a world gone mad, a living, breathing, burning hell. They'd done what they had to to survive, and all of it, they'd done together.
For two years, Cody hadn't breathed without hearing Nick's breath. Hadn't moved without feeling Nick's heartbeat. Hadn't slept without dreaming Nick's dreams. In their bloody, broken world, Nick was his peace, his hope. His salvation.
Now, home, saved, discharged and decorated, all of that was gone.
Nick slept across the hall, grinned at him in the morning, shared his bacon then walked away. Out into the safe, ordered world they'd dreamed of over there. Out into the life they'd left behind.
Nick came back smiling, money and beer and sometimes chocolate, and when he talked, he spoke a language Cody no longer understood.
Cody drank the beer and smiled the smiles and found words in the cold, dead language on his tongue. Words that meant nothing when he heard them in his ears.
Getting through the night just got harder. The sounds of the city broke Cody in ways the noise of war had never done. The silence of the space beside him ripped him open, tore his heart.
He dreamed of a quiet barracks, his partner's hand in his until they woke, and woke up crying. He dreamed of the hold of a chopper, dark, sweltering, his partner's skin on his, and woke up wet and shaking and sobbing like a child. He dreamed of his partner's arms, his partner's scent, his partner's strength, and closed his eyes on the tears and tried to go back.
There were girls, pretty girls with curls and giggles and soft skin, but every time Cody closed his eyes he felt calloused hands, wiry hair, hard muscles. He went to his room alone and when he heard the door across the hall click shut he cried.
*
"I didn't sleep with her."
Cody jumped and spun around, nearly dropping his coffee cup. "What?"
"The girls left when you went to bed, man. I didn't sleep with her." Nick sipped his own coffee and looked down at the paper, and Cody swallowed hard, struggling for words.
"Sorry," he managed at last. "I didn't wanna wreck your night, buddy."
"You didn't." Nick looked up and just for a moment, Cody saw the world in his eyes. The way it had used to be. "Don't think I'm ready for... that. Not yet."
"Me either, pal." Cody turned away, hearing the unsteadiness in his own voice. Not able to look at Nick while he said it. "Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Called in sick," Nick said roughly, and coughed. "Didn't sleep so good." His chair graunched on the wooden floor and Cody tensed as his partner got to his feet. "Cody... this is fuckin' killing me, all right?"
Cody stared at his partner, mute, afraid. If Nick, with all his strength, was failing, what hope was there for him? "I thought you liked your job," he managed at last, dry-mouthed.
Nick shrugged impatiently. "I like the engines. I like fuckin' about with cars. I hate smiling for fat fancy lawyers and doctors and telling 'em yes sir. I hate listening to my boss bitch out the government and the Reds and his momma. I hate living every fucking day trying to grin like shit makes sense. Tryin' to walk down a street full of people who never saw a soldier. Who never saw further than an inch under their nose." His voice cracked on the last words, and he dashed angrily at his eyes. "Cody, I been thinking of going back."
Every part of Cody revolted at the thought. He grabbed the back of the chair, breathing hard. Left alone in the desolate wasteland of this new world, without Nick beside him, he'd lose his way. Lose himself. "I'll come too." He hadn't planned to say the words, but as they left his lips he knew them for the truth.
He didn't expect the pain, the fear, he saw on Nick's face. He cringed inside at his partner's "No!", and then Nick had him by the arms, pushing him back against the wall, blue eyes blazing.
"No, Cody! No! I got you home, I got you safe, I won't let you, man. I won't let you." Nick shook him roughly, and Cody went limp under the onslaught, his partner's fear and anger washing through him like the tide. Burning him clean.
"Then I wont let you, either." He found Nick's eyes, held them, feeling his strength return. Feeling his heartbeat slow until it beat in time with Nick's again. "Nick, you're all I got. Please, pal... please don't make me do this without you."
"I don't think I could." Nick's grip slackened, anger turning to tears, and Cody caught him in his arms, holding him closer, tighter, until there was no space left between them.
Nick's kiss was soft, a question, a plea, and Cody drank it down like water in the desert, taking it all and giving all in return. Everything he'd held inside since they left the war behind. Everything that mattered.
*
He needed Nick like air, like water. Flat in the bed, Nick's bare skin hot on his, admitting it was easy. Cody drifted to the familiar semaphore of Nick's fingers on his skin, talking his native tongue, making his heart easy.
At last the tempo of Nick's fingers changed and Cody was alert in an instant, listening for the Colonel's footsteps. Listening for the enemy. But the only sound was Nick's uneven breathing, the hitch as fear caught in his throat.
His hand stilled on Cody's back and Cody raised himself up, searching for Nick's eyes. Searching for hope. Nick stared back at him, questioning, a little afraid, and then his fingers asked a question on Cody's skin. Are we good?
Cody exhaled suddenly and grabbed for Nick's hand. Being with Nick was the only good thing left in the world. The only thing that made any sense. "We're not in Ho Chi Minh," he managed hoarsely, "so I'm thinkin' that's a yes."
"There's days I wouldn't mind if we were," Nick muttered, ducking his head, but Cody was sure of his ground now. He reached up and raised Nick's chin, gently.
"I'd rather be right here."
Nick hesitated for a moment, then leaned in close, a smile starting in his eyes. "Me too," he whispered. "If you're sure. I - Cody, it's not gonna be easy."
"I know," Cody whispered back, tightening his arms around Nick. "Buddy, I had to fight a foreign war to find you. I'll do whatever it takes for you."
Nick tightened his own grip. "For us, Cody. Do it for us."
Rating: R
Summary: Leaving war behind was supposed to be something to celebrate...
The Day The World Went Away
They'd been jubilant on the transport, and drunk the first week home. But as war fell away, freedom overwhelmed them.
They'd gone to the jungle as children and come home soldiers, and the world expected them to be men. Cody knew how to fight and he knew how to cry, but he didn't know how to walk down the street unafraid. He didn't know how to make it through the dark alone.
All he knew was that he had to. Somehow.
In Southeast Asia, Nick had been his partner. His comrade in a world gone mad, a living, breathing, burning hell. They'd done what they had to to survive, and all of it, they'd done together.
For two years, Cody hadn't breathed without hearing Nick's breath. Hadn't moved without feeling Nick's heartbeat. Hadn't slept without dreaming Nick's dreams. In their bloody, broken world, Nick was his peace, his hope. His salvation.
Now, home, saved, discharged and decorated, all of that was gone.
Nick slept across the hall, grinned at him in the morning, shared his bacon then walked away. Out into the safe, ordered world they'd dreamed of over there. Out into the life they'd left behind.
Nick came back smiling, money and beer and sometimes chocolate, and when he talked, he spoke a language Cody no longer understood.
Cody drank the beer and smiled the smiles and found words in the cold, dead language on his tongue. Words that meant nothing when he heard them in his ears.
Getting through the night just got harder. The sounds of the city broke Cody in ways the noise of war had never done. The silence of the space beside him ripped him open, tore his heart.
He dreamed of a quiet barracks, his partner's hand in his until they woke, and woke up crying. He dreamed of the hold of a chopper, dark, sweltering, his partner's skin on his, and woke up wet and shaking and sobbing like a child. He dreamed of his partner's arms, his partner's scent, his partner's strength, and closed his eyes on the tears and tried to go back.
There were girls, pretty girls with curls and giggles and soft skin, but every time Cody closed his eyes he felt calloused hands, wiry hair, hard muscles. He went to his room alone and when he heard the door across the hall click shut he cried.
*
"I didn't sleep with her."
Cody jumped and spun around, nearly dropping his coffee cup. "What?"
"The girls left when you went to bed, man. I didn't sleep with her." Nick sipped his own coffee and looked down at the paper, and Cody swallowed hard, struggling for words.
"Sorry," he managed at last. "I didn't wanna wreck your night, buddy."
"You didn't." Nick looked up and just for a moment, Cody saw the world in his eyes. The way it had used to be. "Don't think I'm ready for... that. Not yet."
"Me either, pal." Cody turned away, hearing the unsteadiness in his own voice. Not able to look at Nick while he said it. "Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Called in sick," Nick said roughly, and coughed. "Didn't sleep so good." His chair graunched on the wooden floor and Cody tensed as his partner got to his feet. "Cody... this is fuckin' killing me, all right?"
Cody stared at his partner, mute, afraid. If Nick, with all his strength, was failing, what hope was there for him? "I thought you liked your job," he managed at last, dry-mouthed.
Nick shrugged impatiently. "I like the engines. I like fuckin' about with cars. I hate smiling for fat fancy lawyers and doctors and telling 'em yes sir. I hate listening to my boss bitch out the government and the Reds and his momma. I hate living every fucking day trying to grin like shit makes sense. Tryin' to walk down a street full of people who never saw a soldier. Who never saw further than an inch under their nose." His voice cracked on the last words, and he dashed angrily at his eyes. "Cody, I been thinking of going back."
Every part of Cody revolted at the thought. He grabbed the back of the chair, breathing hard. Left alone in the desolate wasteland of this new world, without Nick beside him, he'd lose his way. Lose himself. "I'll come too." He hadn't planned to say the words, but as they left his lips he knew them for the truth.
He didn't expect the pain, the fear, he saw on Nick's face. He cringed inside at his partner's "No!", and then Nick had him by the arms, pushing him back against the wall, blue eyes blazing.
"No, Cody! No! I got you home, I got you safe, I won't let you, man. I won't let you." Nick shook him roughly, and Cody went limp under the onslaught, his partner's fear and anger washing through him like the tide. Burning him clean.
"Then I wont let you, either." He found Nick's eyes, held them, feeling his strength return. Feeling his heartbeat slow until it beat in time with Nick's again. "Nick, you're all I got. Please, pal... please don't make me do this without you."
"I don't think I could." Nick's grip slackened, anger turning to tears, and Cody caught him in his arms, holding him closer, tighter, until there was no space left between them.
Nick's kiss was soft, a question, a plea, and Cody drank it down like water in the desert, taking it all and giving all in return. Everything he'd held inside since they left the war behind. Everything that mattered.
*
He needed Nick like air, like water. Flat in the bed, Nick's bare skin hot on his, admitting it was easy. Cody drifted to the familiar semaphore of Nick's fingers on his skin, talking his native tongue, making his heart easy.
At last the tempo of Nick's fingers changed and Cody was alert in an instant, listening for the Colonel's footsteps. Listening for the enemy. But the only sound was Nick's uneven breathing, the hitch as fear caught in his throat.
His hand stilled on Cody's back and Cody raised himself up, searching for Nick's eyes. Searching for hope. Nick stared back at him, questioning, a little afraid, and then his fingers asked a question on Cody's skin. Are we good?
Cody exhaled suddenly and grabbed for Nick's hand. Being with Nick was the only good thing left in the world. The only thing that made any sense. "We're not in Ho Chi Minh," he managed hoarsely, "so I'm thinkin' that's a yes."
"There's days I wouldn't mind if we were," Nick muttered, ducking his head, but Cody was sure of his ground now. He reached up and raised Nick's chin, gently.
"I'd rather be right here."
Nick hesitated for a moment, then leaned in close, a smile starting in his eyes. "Me too," he whispered. "If you're sure. I - Cody, it's not gonna be easy."
"I know," Cody whispered back, tightening his arms around Nick. "Buddy, I had to fight a foreign war to find you. I'll do whatever it takes for you."
Nick tightened his own grip. "For us, Cody. Do it for us."